Sexual Health - Let's Talk About Pleasure!

By: Theresa Callard-Moore, Ph.D. • Posted on March 07, 2024

The Importance of Sexual Health

Your sexual health is important! Often in sex education classes the focus is on reproduction…where are your ovaries and how to make or avoid having a baby. Did they even mention your clitoris??? How do we learn about healthy relationships? How do we know we are safe to express our true sexual self? And with whom? Where do we learn about pleasure and how it fits into our desires, our relationship, our morals, and values? When we are looking at sexual health, we need to consider many variables.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”

I love how the WHO looked at the context of sexual health to expand on the many variables that are involved in our lives. The statement looks at the health and function of your body, your attitudes towards sex, your partners attitude towards sex, your mood, and how safe you are in your relationship, culture, and community. When one or more of those variables are in place for you, it is possible to achieve pleasure. But what messages do you see in movies, tv, or porn about your pleasure? How do we know what is “normal” or not?

What is a Pleasure Gap?

There is a pleasure gap between men and women. Men report having an orgasm 91% of the time and women only report having an orgasm 64% of the time. Studies show that women are able to be orgasmic more often with established partners verses new partners. And orgasm is achieved easier by receiving oral sex, using vibrators, and manual clitoral stimulation. Over half of women are not able to be orgasmic with intercourse, but they feel pressured or “broken” if they can’t orgasm that way. So then, women tend to “fake an orgasm” for these reasons. The more you increase your self-confidence, feel more comfortable with your partner, and choose partners who are mature, sexually attentive, and not controlling, the better you will feel about sex.

Pleasure is the journey…and the goal

The average sexual activity is reported to be about 15 minutes long. Is that long enough for you to forget what you needed to do that day, what’s for dinner, can the kids hear us? Women tend to have the most responsibility for childcare, eldercare, and household chores. Sometimes it takes longer to let all of that responsibility go and let desire and arousal to show up. Try to take more time in your pleasure, whether it is with yourself or your partner. When you focus on pleasure instead of orgasm, then it opens many more options and fun.

How can I make sexual activity more pleasurable?

Studies show that women are more likely to feel sexual pleasure if it includes kissing, cuddling, hand to genital stimulation, receiving oral sex, rubbing genitals together, vibrator/sex toy use and intercourse. Men are more likely to have pleasure by hand-genital stimulation, receiving oral sex, and vaginal intercourse. Unfortunately, the media, such as tv, movies, or porn, show the male focused pleasure. It’s very rare to see female focused pleasure represented in our daily lives. Let’s change that! Let’s get rid of words like “foreplay” because that is the main pleasure event for women! Let’s redefine what “sex” means for you. It doesn’t have to include intercourse only. What is included in your sexual activity? Can you expand on what you are doing now to increase your pleasure? Let’s start by learning about sex toys.

I hope I have inspired all of you to increase the pleasure in your daily lives! 

Be Strong, Be Healthy, Be in Charge!
-Theresa Callard-Moore, Ph.D., Sexual Health Specialist at the Cleveland Clinic 
Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
Appointments: 216-444-6601

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