Ask the Nurse

My partner loves foreplay before sex which gets me aroused, but when it comes to climaxing, I have trouble. I then lose interest and I feel I may be letting my partner down, and I wonder if I am truly interested in sex? Please help me understand the reasons for this and any possible solutions.

It sounds like you may having trouble achieving orgasm, which for some women is very normal, especially if this is a lifelong pattern. Most women cannot climax from penetration alone. Direct stimulation of the clitoris is the way most women achieve climax. For some women, climaxing happens very rarely, but this does not mean there is anything wrong with you sexually. A healthy relationship with rich communication can help your partner to realize there is nothing either partner is doing wrong either. Focus on and tell your partner what you enjoy about foreplay and sex and give yourself the relief that you don’t need to climax in order to enjoy sex or be a sexual being.

If you previously were able to achieve orgasm and now cannot, there are things you can consider. If you are perimenopausal or postmenopausal, try finding a menopause specialist in your area, as they could check your hormone levels and discuss the role of hormone replacement with you. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness, intercourse may be painful, causing trouble climaxing, for which a specialist may recommend vaginal estrogen or other therapies. Olive Oil is a wonderful and soothing lubricant to use if needed, and is probably right in your own home. Also, if your relationship with your partner has changed and causing a rift between you, consider couples or individual therapy.

All My Best,
Nurse Mary

October 7, 2014 at 10:01am