“All You Need is Love” and Other Curious Myths
Relationships are complicated, multifaceted and an absolutely necessary part of life. They can be the source of our greatest joy and some of our deepest sorrow. There is absolutely nothing in life that we can achieve or accomplish without other people and it's our relationships that connect us to them. So, it stands to reason -- the better relationships we have, the better outcomes we will get.
There are two myths in our culture that seem to influence our thinking, our behaviors and certainly, the success (or lack of it) in our relationships. See if you have ever been seduced by these myths.
If you simply love someone enough, everything will be fine and all difficulties will work themselves out.
Relationships take WORK! My former man friend hated talking about our relationship. So, in our life together, if something wasn't working for me, I had 2 options.
- I could repress my frustration, ignore it and pretend like it didn't bother me, which ultimately would kill our relationship or
- I could continue to try to discuss the issues, which did aggravate him and DID ultimately lead to the demise of our relationship.
Make an agreement that when issues surface for either one of you that you will lovingly and supportively discuss them before they become too large to tackle.
The best way to get what you need from another person is to simply do whatever you have to do to get it. Be coy, be clever, be controlling and, ultimately, they will give in. The reasoning is that since you know what's best, there's really no harm.
As the controller, you may be getting what you need and want most of the time, but your success will be short-lived. Ultimately, this will come back to haunt you. I tried this tactic in my former relationship and thought many times that I was winning. I wasn't. It wasn't right or effective for me to manipulate him for any reason. All it did was breed resentment.
Simply ask for what you need. It is your right to do so. Bear in mind, however, that it is the other person's right to decline your request. Also, be extremely flexible and willing to honor your mate's requests whenever you possibly can while staying in integrity with your own needs.
There are no guarantees that our relationships will last a lifetime. But that doesn't mean that they can't. With a lot of work, a lot of play and a healthy dose of loving honesty, we can enjoy them fully and passionately. We simply must refuse to buy in to the myths.
We absolutely do need love. But, as you can see, the story doesn't end there.
By Linda Larsen, C.S.P.
Contact Linda Larsen
Linda Larsen, C.S.P., is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best-selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. For more information, contact Linda at lindalarsen.com or 941.927.4700.